Headhunter annoyance

Sharing my response to a headhunter spam that caused me to spend more time than I should have in my response....

His email:

We have the below positions open for our Direct Client.

Let me know if you have a resource interested & available in the below ASAP.

Position: Java /Websphere portal

Multiple Positions and Locations:

1. Client in Columbus, Dayton, Cincinnati area, OH
2. Client in CA area
Rates: ALAP

The client pays expenses and each assignment is minimum 6 months.

Java and WebSphere and WebSphere Portal (all must)
Experience with IBM Websphere Portal 5.0
Strong debugging and trouble shooting skills

Have a nice Day....!

Thanks And Regards,

.... recruiter info omitted.....

Note: We respect your Online Privacy. This is not an unsolicited mail. This mail cannot be considered Spam as long as we include Contact information and a method to be removed from our mailing list. If you are not interested in receiving our e-mails then please reply with a "remove" in the subject line and mention all the e-mail addresses to be removed with any e-mail addresses, which might be diverting the e-mails to you. Sorry for the inconvenience caused.

My response:

Hi. I've been inundated with emails from headhunters lately. Many of them seem to be impersonal - such as yours - and I feel the urge to respond. I apologize for the vitriolic nature of my message, but hope that (perhaps) this message will give you some insight into the mind of a potential candidate, so that you can increase your success.

1. This looks like a blanket email that went out to some list of candidates who met your search criteria on some job board. You didn't mention my name anywhere. If you want responses from candidates in this market that's heating up, I suggest you tailor your messages to the candidates in which you are interested, rather than blanketing them. (e.g. resumeblaster is a bad idea, so is candidateblaster). At the very LEAST.... get a decent spam package that can place the target's name into your email. Another hint - your spam disclaimer... if you were sending a message directly to me, that would be unnecessary, correct?
   
2. Give me some idea of how you found me when you write to me. That way, I can figure out how to modify my information to draw your attention to the fact that I am NOT OPEN TO RELOCATION.
   
3. Don't use unfamiliar acronyms like ALAP (as low as possible?)
   
4. Work on your marketing technique. A subject line reading "New Job Order....Rates are low...Expenses paid" does nothing for me. Especially "Rates are low".
   
5. Make me feel special.
   
6. Use spellcheck.
   

I apologize for taking this out on you - you just happen to be the one whose email added the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back.

FYI, if you haven't figured it out.... I'm not interested in the position.

Sincerely,
Adrian