Undergoes

OK, so I'm a stickler about English usage. Yes, I make mistakes - please point them out when you see them.

I heard the following on ESPN a few weeks ago: "Matt Hasselbeck undergoes MRI on right knee."

The subtleties of words should be respected and harnessed appropriately. Had Mr. Hasselbeck undergone surgery on his right knee, "undergoes" would be appropriate. Having an MRI on your knee, however, is not on anyone's list of things to endure, sustain, or suffer.

Wet foot, dry foot

I live in South Florida. I am amazed at the infantile political perspective that introduced (and persists) the wet-foot/dry-foot policy for Cuban immigrants to the United States. Essentially, this policy says that if you come from Cuba without papers and get to the United States - even with one foot still in the water - you are granted asylum.

Cubans come to this country not to escape Communism but to gain greater economic opportunities. Why are they different from Ethiopians, Bolivians, Mexicans, or Jamaicans who would like to come to the US for the same reasons? The intelligent answer: they're not. The political answer: Florida is a swing state and the Cuban vote is something you don't mess with.

Rosie Perez

Watching Rosie Perez on Jay Leno tonight. It annoys me.

A quote from her: "Poverty is sad, but it's also funny".

I've listened to other celebrities talk about growing up poor, e.g. Dolly Parton. Many of them seem to have adopted a much more measured perspective of their rise from rags to celebrity. I don't find poverty funny. In fact, I find poverty particularly UNFUNNY.

Her accent is awful. Her exploitation of her caricature as a voluptuous Puerto Rican should be offensive to hard-working Puerto Ricans.

I'm truly dumbfounded by our culture's infatuation with celebrity.

So what do I do? I won't go see any movies she's in (not that she'll ever be a leading lady).... unless there is some other benefit to be gained (would Meryl ever do a movie with her?)

Venting....

Working with smart people

In early 1998, after I took a voluntary severance package from IBM, I attended a workshop delivered by HR types to help the recently departed adjust to the world of finding a job. The facilitator for one of these sessions asked us to throw out examples of the type of work environment we would like to find in a new position.

I threw out... "I want to work with smart people".

The facilitator manipulated my response into "I want to work with competent people".

This is not the same.

Fortunately for me, some 7+ years later, I found just such an environment. I'm working for Thoughtworks - a software consulting firm that hires smart people.

My 10-year-old daughter's writing

My daughter, as a student in the Florida school system, took the FCAT (Florida Comprehensive Aptitude Test) exam this year. Part of the practice involved writing assessments... here's one:

Everyone has wished that someone that is a special person to them is a teacher. I wish that my Dad is my teacher. Whether it's that he's great at math or likes exercise, my Dad would be a great teacher.

To begin with, my Dad would be a great teacher because he is fantastic at math. Last week, when I was doing math I cried "I'll never get number fifteen right! You have to be Einstein to know the answer to a hundred and two times two!" "What's the problem honeybunch?" asked my Dad. "I don't know the answer to number fifteen" I wailed. My Dad sat down next to me, put his arm on my shoulder, and leaned to look at number fifteen in my enormous textbook. "The library has a hundred and two books. Each book has two stickers. How many stickers are in the whole library?" my father read. "A hundred and two times two" I shrieked. My father's eyes filled with laughter and joy as he smiled a joyful smile. "Honey, a hundred and two times two is like a hundred and two plus a hundred and two" he laughed. "Oh" I replied as I wrote two hundred and four. My Dad always knows answers in math.

In addition, my Dad would be a great teacher because he likes me to get alot of exercise. Yesterday my dad took my sisters, my brother and me to the park. "Can I run?" I pleaded. "Don't ask me. Do anything that gives you exercise, but wait for me", my Dad replied. I ran like a cheetah to the park and climbed up the nearest hill to roll down on. I reached the top of the hill, but I felt like it was a mountain! I could see the whole park! I layed on my back and was so scared because of the height. "What are you waiting for, midnight?" I was so startled, I rolled down the hill while I screamed. I felt like a living top that had just rolled a million times. Boy, my Dad likes exercise.

Everyone wants a fun teacher. McDonald is great, Santa is fun, but my Dad would be everyone's favorite teacher. We could have disco parties and math would be easy. Boy, my Dad is great.

Immigration Reform Analogy

Yes, immigrants are people too.

Yes, illegal immigrants are people too.

Analogy alert....

I have a grand house. I work my ass off to keep it clean, maintained... even beautiful.

You live in a crappy house. You can't even keep the lawn cut.

One day you decide... hey... that guy up the street has a grand house. It looks much more comfortable. Perhaps I can go live there. So you go there and break in. You find a nice comfortable place in the basement, and get free electricity, plumbing, etc., off of my - and my ancestor's - hard work.

In the meantime, I'm not exactly stingy with the room in my house. I have certain standards that I maintain for people who want to move in. Alas, going through the process takes time, and you're impatient. So you decided to cut in line.

Doesn't seem right.

Acronym Soup

Dear recruiters/hiring managers,

I spent 8 years doing operating system development for a very, very large company. I have over 20 years of experience in solving complex software problems, doing project management, people management, performance measurement, etc. I have a BSCS and an MBA. I spent a great deal of time doing low-level, embedded systems development. I understand the intracacies of software development.

So you want to know, for example, how many years of Java development I have. That's 0. ZERO. Java, to me, is coffee. I could pick it up easily (as a technology and as a drink), but don't spend my off hours piddling with languages/environments/technologies that aren't related to the business value I'm trying to deliver for my employer/client.

So, you won't consider me for position in which I don't have specific experience.

I've got news for you. It's your (or your client's) loss.

Wake up HR. It's not the acronym soup that's important. It's the attitude, aptitude and integrity that matters most. My current employer gets it. Why can't you?

Headhunter annoyance

Sharing my response to a headhunter spam that caused me to spend more time than I should have in my response....

His email:

We have the below positions open for our Direct Client.

Let me know if you have a resource interested & available in the below ASAP.

Position: Java /Websphere portal

Multiple Positions and Locations:

1. Client in Columbus, Dayton, Cincinnati area, OH
2. Client in CA area
Rates: ALAP

The client pays expenses and each assignment is minimum 6 months.

Java and WebSphere and WebSphere Portal (all must)
Experience with IBM Websphere Portal 5.0
Strong debugging and trouble shooting skills

Have a nice Day....!

Thanks And Regards,

.... recruiter info omitted.....

Note: We respect your Online Privacy. This is not an unsolicited mail. This mail cannot be considered Spam as long as we include Contact information and a method to be removed from our mailing list. If you are not interested in receiving our e-mails then please reply with a "remove" in the subject line and mention all the e-mail addresses to be removed with any e-mail addresses, which might be diverting the e-mails to you. Sorry for the inconvenience caused.

My response:

Hi. I've been inundated with emails from headhunters lately. Many of them seem to be impersonal - such as yours - and I feel the urge to respond. I apologize for the vitriolic nature of my message, but hope that (perhaps) this message will give you some insight into the mind of a potential candidate, so that you can increase your success.

1. This looks like a blanket email that went out to some list of candidates who met your search criteria on some job board. You didn't mention my name anywhere. If you want responses from candidates in this market that's heating up, I suggest you tailor your messages to the candidates in which you are interested, rather than blanketing them. (e.g. resumeblaster is a bad idea, so is candidateblaster). At the very LEAST.... get a decent spam package that can place the target's name into your email. Another hint - your spam disclaimer... if you were sending a message directly to me, that would be unnecessary, correct?
   
2. Give me some idea of how you found me when you write to me. That way, I can figure out how to modify my information to draw your attention to the fact that I am NOT OPEN TO RELOCATION.
   
3. Don't use unfamiliar acronyms like ALAP (as low as possible?)
   
4. Work on your marketing technique. A subject line reading "New Job Order....Rates are low...Expenses paid" does nothing for me. Especially "Rates are low".
   
5. Make me feel special.
   
6. Use spellcheck.
   

I apologize for taking this out on you - you just happen to be the one whose email added the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back.

FYI, if you haven't figured it out.... I'm not interested in the position.

Sincerely,
Adrian

It's a start

My first blog entry. Woo Hoo.